I was suggested to write a letter to show my body a tiny drop of love, to start balancing out of the ocean of negativity. Here it is!
Thanks for doing your best to keep going, even when I don’t treat you very well. Thanks for having the capacity to move, be flexible, and learn choreography. Without you I wouldn’t be chasing my dreams.
What you look like is a very confusing topic for me, and I’m sorry for critiquing you so much, so often.
Thank you for the ability to walk, draw, colour, write neatly, bake & type (wouldn’t be doing this otherwise!) so many people in the world have physical struggles that I can’t even imagine, and I’m sure life would be difficult in a whole different way if I were one of them.
I have some goals with my food intake that I’m doing my best to achieve. I’m honestly finding that each day is different. Sometimes I can wake up and eat a full breakfast and feel ok, but other days I’m too uncomfortable with the amount of calories in the meal to eat it. I’ve already realised that I’m soooo used to living in a hungry state, and when I have eaten my breakfast I have fewer thoughts about food and cravings in the following hours. Who would have thought that maybe, just maybe, people who eat normally don’t spend their whole lives overanalysing food? LOL AT MY LIFE
Today was predominantly very relaxing and equally productive, until a worry came in and brought along with it the fat feeling. Basically any emotion has the power to make me feel fat, and feeling fat then makes me feel angry & disappointed in myself for being as imperfect and flabby as I am. Nothing and nobody can calm my feelings of fatness, and unfortunately that’s just the way it is.
Do any of you relate to feeling fat? How do you handle it?
When I get stuck in thought cycles about my body, I find it such a challenge to stop overthinking. This has always been a trait of mine, but it’s been exaggerated by OCD. Fingers crossed the feelings are so strong in the morning