The worst thing is waiting.

I admit it, this is hard.

I graduated from a professional performing arts college in mid- July. I’m now attending auditions, trying to keep up my skills and working towards getting that golden first job. The worst thing is that you can’t control when that time is going to come, because sometimes you get cut in the first round because of how you look, or because of some reason that doesn’t relate to ability that you’ll never be told about. I could be too short for one thing, too tall for another- it’s luck of the draw (and sometimes there aren’t any clear guidelines so you have to turn up and find out if it’s for you or not!)

In some ways I like the responsibility of my own fitness and health and life in general, but equally, it’s a heavy load. It isn’t as easy to work on your split leaps as it is to keep up an academic skill leve, I don’t know, like a maths degree or something!

Right now I’m sat in a Starbucks feeling a bit crappy. They made my  frappucino taste like shit and I just received an email from an audition to let me know I didn’t get the part. Although I don’t have huge confidence in my abilities, I do have huge passion. I know I really want a performing job; and I also know that patience is not my strong point. Perhaps something better is on the cards, but it’s difficult to feel positive when you have no idea what and when your path will head in a direction you’re aiming for.

I won’t ever get feedback to know why something didn’t go in my favour  (which does make it feel less personal I suppose) but also leaves my mind free to wander! How invested I feel in each potential job varies according to how much warning and preparation there was for it. It’s easier to let it go when it hasn’t been on my mind beforehand for very long. 

Rambling over. 

#performerslifr

“they all do”

Today I was having a casual conversation with a few people (all of whom are training as dancers in the same place as me), and somebody mentioned that a couple of the staff apparently take drugs. Most of us kind of responded neutrally, feeling that it is normal to find the odd few out of a large number of people who have or do take drugs. One person simply said “yeah, well all dancers take drugs.”

While I have no doubt that drug taking dancers DO exist, there are also many (if not more) that DON’T. I would argue that a long standing career is more likely to be based on making healthy choices than unhealthy ones?

(By the way, the person who made the sweeping statement doesn’t take drugs.)

I guess it just shows that life is full of stereotypes. Annoying.