I have a part time job to pay my rent while I’m training as a dancer/ performer. My current job can be done from home (🙏🏻 I love my pyjamas), and so I usually have YouTube open when I’m not on the phone.
Today was no different, until I came across an old Kati Morton journal topic that grabbed my attention. What things am I avoiding? Is it really that I lack the time, or am I not prioritising all the right things?
I graduate soon, out into the scary (and also exciting!) unknown world, and I could be doing a one year distance learning course… That’s if I actually did the application. I realised that the reason I’m not doing it isn’t lack of time; it’s just not my priority right now. Something that should be a greater priority than it is is my Happiness Journal (super cool & you should totally follow them on Instagram and look how cool they are). I’ve done it some days, but other times I palm it off by mentally saying I don’t have time.
What about the 3 hours it took me to fall asleep? Could have done it then. Or the 5 minutes I spent scrolling through Twitter? Could have done it then too.
It’s so simple, but assessing if it’s my priorities that need alterations or whether I’ve got too many things already filling my time has helped me see that managing my mood needs to be prioritised.
But, kudos to myself for actually doing my food diary. Just saying..
I admit that I’ve cheated today. There were too many appealing options, so here goes:
#happiness isn’t achieved through disordered activity. Happiness is genuine laughter; being so comfortable that silence with your friends is perfect; lying down in the sunshine; smelling sea air; feeling loved.
#hugs are a wonderful thing. There are so many moments (good and bad) where a hug can explicit far more than words. My ED makes me feel wary of some people touching the body that disgusts me so much, but when you’ve missed people it doesn’t matter. A hug with a best friend is one of life’s simple pleasures.
#hope I’m often pessimistic, but I hope my bleak expectations are wrong. I have a pocket of hope that recovery is possible for me.
#help I wish that I had received a good level of help when this all started. It’s just bad luck that I could only see this one incompetent “expert.” If you need help, get it. Waiting only makes change harder.
My Friday started HORRIBLY, but my first class really turned it around. It seems to be that mind over matter is the key to how I feel, unless it is anything food related… Not sure how or why, but when it comes to the latter my brain seems to have a life of its own!
“Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity. “– Carl Jung