H is for Hashtags

I admit that I’ve cheated today. There were too many appealing options, so here goes:

#happiness isn’t achieved through disordered activity. Happiness is genuine laughter; being so comfortable that silence with your friends is perfect; lying down in the sunshine; smelling sea air; feeling loved.  

#hugs are a wonderful thing. There are so many moments (good and bad) where a hug can explicit far more than words. My ED makes me feel wary of some people touching the body that disgusts me so much, but when you’ve missed people it doesn’t matter. A hug with a best friend is one of life’s simple pleasures. 

#hope I’m often pessimistic, but I hope my bleak expectations are wrong. I have a pocket of hope that recovery is possible for me. 

#help I wish that I had received a good level of help when this all started. It’s just bad luck that I could only see this one incompetent “expert.” If you need help, get it. Waiting only makes change harder. 

Thursday tips: anger

So… Anger… Rage and stuff. I suck at it. I’m somebody who can’t show anger and so directs it inwards. I find myself easily choosing self hatred, instead of expressing justified anger to those who have caused it.
Over the last 7 or 8 months I have been in more confrontations than I would have liked, but these unavoidable times of life have taught me so much about the importance of telling people what you think.
In my opinion, many people with eating disorders or who self harm find negative emotions challenging. It’s difficult to take the emotion as it is when you become accustomed to releasing that feeling through your behaviours.
I’m not perfect, but I can tell people I’m annoyed now.

1. Start to write down all your reasons for your anger. Scribble over them as if they are insignificant. I always like I’m in control of my feelings then.
2. Tell the person who pissed you off, or ignored you, or upset you etc that what they said was hurtful.
3. AVOID blaming them. Even if it was definitely their fault, just relate it all back to the way you feel. Blurting and ranting all your rage never helps.
4. Be reasonable. Compromise, but don’t be walked all over. Cool, calm and collected 😉

Anger can make you feel so uncontrolled and uncomfortable, so don’t hold it in. Go for a run, draw, scrub clean the dirty dishes. All feelings pass…. Xx

Friendship :)

“Friends are the most important ingredient in the recipe of life.”

Being home for the holidays means that I have finally had the chance to see my closest friends in the flesh again! Facebook, skype etc are brilliant, but nothing beats them actually being there 🙂

I am lucky enough to have some of the most amazing friends. Having moved into a student household, I now know that quite a lot of other people my age do not have the same bonds with people back home as I do. There are about 15 people who have all been a shoulder to cry on throughout this whole ed, anxiety, depressed mess, and I will always be so grateful to every single one of them.

Out of those, there are some who have been particularly incredible at being there for me. These are people who I could and have phoned in the early hours, who have calmed me in a panic attack over the phone, or who have provided me with an unexpected way of letting things out. The people who have literally spent hours listening to me in a hysterical state, or while analysing my own thoughts, or while having an ed vs me argument out loud, are the most fantastic people in the world.

As well as being amazing listeners and some of the most calm and supportive friends in the world, these are also people who are absolutely hilarious! I have known some of them longer than others, but I have bucketfuls of memories with all of them- some going back to childhood. The amount of words that can’t be said without bringing on the giggles and all the random stories of crazy things that have happened are thoughts I treasure every single day.

Since I began to use food as a coping mechanism and focus all my worry and self doubt onto my body there have been many days when I have woken up feeling like a waste of space. I often feel hopeless, too emotional to do anything, anxious, angry or utterly confused…

the friendships I have are sometimes the only reason worth getting up in the morning. ❤