Pear, hourglass, apple, rectangle… anything seems to fat for me.

I know a couple of people who are VERY pear shaped, and even with no fat on them they still look it. I worry constantly about being pear shaped.

I took some tests on the internet and mostly come out as hourglass or rectangle. But still… one of them said pear. PANIC!

While I am standing here, typing and walking on the spot (to use up more energy), I am beginning to wonder what is the point in all of this?! I never seem to see myself as others do, and lying under the covers crying with disgust about my body just sucks… Especially, as I have mentioned before, it always leaves me feeling I have no clue what I look like at all; instead, my brain is overloaded with thoughts about feelings of being skinnier yesterday, or how much fat there is on my body to grab today. 

I get so confused and anxious that I just want to stop everything, to press a pause button on the world, to stay in until I look and feel good enough to go out. Everything becomes an effort when you fear that you will never be perfect enough.

Over time, the ups and downs balance themselves out & I end up feeling… well… numb, fat and uncertain.