What I know about myself.

My mental illnesses take up a lot of brain space, and that can make it hard to figure out my identity & what kind of person I am without all of those struggles.

1. Close friendships are very important to me. I’m not interested in meeting heaps of new people, or socialising in large groups. But if I’m your friend I could discuss life with you for hours! Those one on one relationships are of great value to me, and I try to be thoughtful and loyal to the small group of people who matter to me. 

2. I find it hard to admit I’m wrong. Most of the time I won’t make comments that I’m unsure about, but if I say something that’s incorrect then I HATE that I’m wrong. It’s imperfect, and I get cross at myself. 

3.  I like going for walks in the woods/ fields/ somewhere pretty. Quiet walks are soooo relaxing to me. (Especially if I’m staying with my parents and can take my dog!) 

4.  I am uncomfortable with conflict. I can’t deal with anger and find it best for my own sanity to walk away & have a calmer discussion at another time. 

5.  I’d always prefer to type a message to someone than speak face to face. I can be more honest and say things that are more thought out if it’s over messenger, and the time to construct what I want to say is important to me because it stops me stumbling and feeling embarrassed (which is how’d I’d feel if I had a conversation about a serious topic face to face)

6. I’m an animal lover. One day I will live in a house with lots of pets & give them so much love and attention. ❤️

7. Starbucks cookie dough frappucino is the best drink. I love it. I would have one everyday if I could. They rule. Ok you get my point. 😂

8. I’m not usually bothered about following trends or doing something because other people are. Unless I like something, I don’t wear it. It doesn’t matter to me if my style isn’t like other people’s, because it’s stupid to buy things you don’t like!

I is for Introvert

I have been reading the book Quiet by Susan Cain recently. She has studied the role of nature and nurture on personality, and writes in detail about what introversion and extroversion really are. 

I used to think that my lack of interest in large social events was just my depression or ed talking, but the book has made me see that it’s simply who I am. Introverted doesn’t mean stupid, uncaring or shy. I actually care deeply about the circle of close people in my life, but I only enjoy seeing them in a quiet, sober, countryside walk kind of environment. 

I really believe that having a mental illness teaches you more than you can imagine about yourself. Long periods of depression make happy times so much more previous and vivid I think. 

Today I’m going to make a list for my brain about things I know about myself:

1. I have no patience!

2. I like small group social activities

3. I hate feeling overstimulated. Too much noise, too many people, two things playing over each other etc make me uncomfortable. 

3. I am a thinker. I think about everything in a lot of detail. 

4. I am a perfectionist. 

5. I can get bored quickly and crave something to challenge my mind. 

6. I love physical activity. 

7.  I can work in a group, but I feel at ease when I can do things uninterrupted and in my own way. 

8. I hate odd numbers so I had to write this one to make it even!!