Today I’ve realised something pretty ironic about my eating disorder:
In my mind, my eating disorder is integral to my life. I can only cope if it is there & my behaviours help me. Realistically though, my ed behaviours distract me from the things that are actually bothering me.
Today has been almost entirely filled with compulsive exercise. I’ve barely sat still for a minute, and I haven’t got this letter done that I was supposed to either. I got stressed about having a few too many things to think about and so set myself an exercise target. This target took priority over the letter that I needed to finish, even though I didn’t want that to be the case. Kinda ironic that my coping mechanism has really not helped me in coping effectively with having numerous things to do today.
As I have til Monday for this letter thing, I will have to do it tomorrow. I’m a bit taken aback by the sudden realisation of just how much priority I give my ed without consciously making that decision. Weird…