New year doesn’t equal a new me.

The phrase New Year, New Me implies that the ring of midnight magically transforms us via some kind of witchcraft. In my view, the equation is more like:

New Year + Self awareness + Hard work = New Me.

It isn’t so catchy, is it? In the past, I have thought about the year gone by/ my hopes for the coming one, but never made firm resolutions. (I do however like to make a mini bucket list for the year, such as shows I want to watch, or a place I’m keen to visit)

This year I want to hold myself more accountable and make goals. Perhaps I’ve been scared of failing at my resolutions, and so held back from making any in past years. I’m open to the idea that what I want could change in the course of the next 12 months, and that’s okay. For now though, here are my first proper resolutions:

• Pass my driving test
• Take therapy as it comes, and know that recovery is possible if I decide that’s what I want to fully commit to
• (Hopefully) become strong at aerial (if I like it after my first session next week!)
• Utilise the online 12 step meetings for eating disorders. Keep going even if I feel unsure about my own desire right now
• Do little things for myself more often- paint my nails more, do face masks, watch a favourite film…
• Do my best. Don’t let the possibility of failing stop me from trying all of these things.

Good wishes for the last day of 2017, and a happy new year when it arrives for you

Xox

Greetings 2015!

I like the psychological new beginning that a new year brings, but in reality I feel the same both at 11.59 and 00.01. 😂 Anyway, this post is just my own summary of the good, the bad, and the random that 2014 had for me.

THE GOOD.
As a passionate hater of being cold, my year was naturally improved by the lack of snow in January. It was unusually sunny on my birthday in March, and a heatwave followed!
I saw some amazing shows in London and spent quality time with the friends I went with.
I committed to watching kati morton on YouTube everyday and now question what I did with my life beforehand…
I was able to visit family abroad and feel so lucky to have that time.
My housemate changed for the better. I now live with someone who knows me better than I know myself at times. She is caring, supportive and hilarious. We have the best time together and I’m grateful everyday to have such a wonderful friend.
I reached the halfway point of my 4 years of training, finishing with a summer show that I really enjoyed.
My summer was full of friends, family and cuddling my pets… Perfect.
I am lucky enough to do what I love everyday during term time.
I came home for Christmas and spent it with my family.

THE BAD.
Family dramas are always harder when you aren’t there to help. I learned this the hard way. Many tears were shed.
I ended up at the hospital after my mentalness got the best of me.
My former housemate became a nightmare to live with.
I got hurt by people because of my inability to say words when I’m angry.
Medication withdrawal sucks.

THE RANDOM.
I discovered an excellent pair of Christmas socks in my old bedroom.
I hit my head on the car boot door by accident.
I won a pointless quiz and sadly never got a prize.

Happy new year!!!!