Life is a great and wondrous mystery, and the only thing we know that we have for sure is what is right here right now. Don’t miss it.
I love this quote! It is good to understand the past and the present, but the overall conclusion is that I have AN eating disorder- it shouldn’t matter which one- especially as there are very few sufferers that only ever experience one type of disorder. So I’m going to accept what I have and appreciate the good non-ed parts of my existence, however small and fleeting they sometimes are!
When I get to the end of the day and come to blogging, or reading, or lying in bed thinking, I always kinda summarise the day… you know, has it been good or sad or terrible etc.
Today was ok. This has been determined by how organised and controlled food stuff was and how negtaively I felt about my body. These days, other worries are solely expressed through my ed feelings or behaviours, which is why that is all my summary entailed. I suppose it is sad that my whole life gets whittled down to how I felt about eating and whether or not I felt fat. 😦
I don’t feel sorry for myself as such, but I don’t feel like things are going too great for me either. I’m trying to remind myself that having this illness isn’t my fault, but that’s quite difficult when it feels like it most definitely is! It’s ME that pushes people away, it’s ME that snaps and feels awkward with my family, it’s ME that persists in being obsessive and it’s ME who is up right now in order to exercise.
So yeh..trying to be positive, but “ok” was the best I could do.