This evening hasn’t been one of my best. For no apparent reason (aka unable to identify and process emotions normally) I’ve felt like crap tonight. I ended up crying and feeling confused about why I feel emotional.
The accompanying side line of this evening was a lot of body checking. (Get ready for the TMI bit). I’ve poked my stomach, done crunches, tried to feel whether the crease of my bum cheek is flatter or bigger, scratched the skin on my shoulders, and looked down at my body from a million different angles.
My biggest frustration is that I’m confused. Confused whether I’m fat or thin, confused whether I’m angry or sad or anxious (or any of the above!), and confused about why I’m confused. I just don’t get it.
xxx sending you hugs ‘dancer xxx sounds like the scrutinising, judging ed voice hi-jacked your head and gave you a hard time – you’ve been dealing with a lot lately so maybe it’s taking advantage of the upcoming change and uncertainty and the triggers you’ve had to face in terms of gp visits, blood checks etc? it’s such a mean, punitive mental illness xx but you deserve your own love and care and respect xxx I hope today can be a little better and you can manage to find a moment or two to be kind to yourself xxx hang in there xxx Em
I think you’re right that all the changes and things have made it worse. The struggle is that I often feel fat or negative about food BEFORE I work out what I’m actually feeling underneath. I guess that’s what’s different between been ill and being recovered. Hope you’ve had a good day xxxx
It’s such a sneaky little head-fucker isn’t it!? X but it’s never too late to be kind to yourself xx fight for your right to be kind! Xx
💪🏻💪🏻 (that’s me accepting your strength) xxx
💖⚡️✨😎 I love it xx