The fact I accidently deleted this the first time says a lot about my last few days!
Today I have felt like someone has thrown me back into the hole of feeling like my life is worthless. I am so confused, so unsure of how I can keep control of anything that I almost want to give up. The only reason I know I can’t do this is because I have some things worth hanging onto.
In the midst of a breakdown this afternoon I got thinking about why feeling in control is so important. The unknown is part of life right? I decided that it is because everybody imagines the future, and the fear of it not going as you imagine is scary.
To get myself out of this hole I did two things:
1) ate less, exercised more
2) did something relaxing, slept and decided to stick to being more chilled tomorow!
I can’t help but question whether any of my progress is real atm, because I am still so focused and caught up in rigidly chasing a perfectly organised food day.. Maybe it is a bit of both: positive hard work and the edge being taken off by feeling mostly on top of food…