What does it mean to be recovered?

For me, my eating disorder is party a way for my perfectionism to express itself, and recently I find myself wondering whether recovery is all it’s cracked up to.
I can sometimes imagine myself as recovered, happy, carefree, but my rational mind knows that life with or without a mental disorder is imperfect.
This is hard to accept.
I want my recovery to be perfect so that I can reach this perfect, clear end point. But that’s not realistic.
Every time I consider the idea that recovery is about learning to better manage when things go wrong and being more forgiving of myself, my motivation wavers.
I feel stuck because I can’t use an unrealistic goal as my motivation to recover, but thinking about what recovery really means makes me want to give up now.
Perhaps after some sleep I will feel more optimistic.

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