Today in singing class, the teacher told me it was the best he’d ever heard me sing, and whatever I was thinking about emotionally really came through. He told me to hang on to that feeling and use it when I perform.
He doesn’t know I have an eating disorder. He also didn’t notice me have a panic attack during the class.
When I was singing I was focusing on a single point in front of me as if it were a personification of all the paranoia, the food thoughts, the body dissatisfaction that I have. Although it was genuinely an emotionally challenging performance, it was AMAZING. I love the moments when I feel so involved in what I’m doing that I’m not thinking about the future. When you think about it, humans are always thinking ahead & there would be no such thing as worry if we didn’t do this all the time…
This week has been (as usual) both hard and fun: some days have been so enjoyable, but I’ve been so physically tired, cold and stressed other days. Weekend time now though. To wake up and feel properly rested would be like Christmas come very early!