My emotions are all over the place at the moment. It is a stressful time anyway, because the next academic year is currently completely unknown, which s terrifying! I have had a few bulimic episode over the last weeks, and ending up exercising for hours, taking loads of tablets to get it out of me and/or failing to throw up very much and so self harming.
I’m no supposed to be harming though, so I have done my best to follow through the plan I made with my therapist to avoid that part….
One moment, I feel worthless, fat, like nothing will ever make me feel good, wishing I didn’t exist; then are moments when it is kinda ok and I don’t feel like such a weirdo who is outside normal teenage life. It is so confusing!
I just need some consistency right now because so many things are out of my control, therefore it seems even worse than usual if food doesn’t go EXACTLY how I want it to one day. I just can’t keep on like this, but it isn’t a choice. I am too stressed, too emotional and too surrounded by people that don’t know me well enough for me to try to get better.